Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Fixing the US, Sans Morality (Part II)

Editor's Note: I pretty much disagree with all of this. Also, Buck v. Bell has been overruled... - Rule 12(f).

Last time, I looked at ways for the government to stimulate the economy, ala Cash for Clunkers. As promised, here’s a couple ways for the government to make some money.

1. Legalize Drugs

The War on Drugs costs the American tax payer billions every year. Think of all the expenses – law enforcement and border patrol, prosecutors and court costs, and prison expenses. Legalize drugs and all those expenses go away, plus federal and state governments can tax the hell out of weed, cocaine, or your other favorite recreational past-time. The only downside is that The Wire would seem stupid - “Omar Jaywalks”. Oh, and meth should still be illegal, that s*** is scary.

2. State Prostitutes

Before you get all moralistic on me, state governments already do this in the form of lottery tickets and PowerBall. We promote and sponsor vice in the worst possible way. Basically government affects a wealth transfer from those it should be protecting to those who government already works for. And yes, somewhat-high achieving Georgians going to the University of Georgia for free, I’m talking about you. Poor working-class Georgians paid for your “prestigious” Hope Scholarship.

Since we’re already in the business of selling vice, why not go one step further and sell sex? And under my plan, we address the problem of immigration as well. BAM! Here’s how it works –
(1) Import college age women desperate for a Permanent Visa to the United States.
(2) Set them to work as state prostitutes. Since this is the US, we’ll do it nice and classy. Just like in the Netherlands, give the women bouncers and require weekly STD tests.
(3) Tax.
(4) Require the women to attend college and learn English.
(5) Upon the completion of a college degree, give the women Permanent Visas.
Not bad, huh? We get college educated women who want to be in this country and put some dollars in Uncle Sam’s wallet. We all have a price and we all want to have sex – why not use it to decrease the national deficit?

Bonus: The US can get on the sex tourism industry. Even the Chamber of Commerce will have to sign on.

3. The Ghost of Carrie Buck, or the Fall of Octomom

For those of you unfamiliar with Buck v. Bell, here’s the holding: if you’re dumb and a potential drain on society, the state can sterilize you. (By the way there’s a historical marker on Preston Rd. now covered up by trees so you can’t see it from the road. Evidently Carrie Buck was a resident of Charlottesville.)

A couple arguments for bringing back forced sterilizations:
1. Kids cost money and sometimes the parents can’t pay that money. Our welfare net is embarrassing relative to the rest of the civilized world, but we still have one. Get some deadbeats out of the “children market” and government won’t have to foot the bill.

2. Kids take on the personality traits of their parents, either through genes or learned behavior. Some people are morally deficient, violent, and/or or self-destructive. Get psychos out of the “children market” and government won’t have to foot the bill.
I’ve made a non-exclusive list of what I’ll call Parenthood Disqualifying Characteristics. Feel free to add some more in the comments.
1. Violent felony conviction
2. Hate crime conviction
3. War crime conviction
4. Multiple bankruptcies
5. Profound or severe mental retardation
6. Debilitating and lengthy addiction to illegal or prescription drugs
A caveat: Due process takes a long time and may make these procedures more costly in the long run. I suggest writing these laws like criminal forfeiture statutes, as in, they occur as part of sentencing with the judge as fact finder (and abuse of discretion review).

There’s your list, UVA Law Blog readers. Can we fix our great country without morality? YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!


Fixing the US Sans Morality, Part I


Anonymous said...

This article was incredibly offensive. I sincerely hope the editor will take it down, lest people actually think UVA students think this boorishly. It's not even funny enough to be satirical. In fact, it's not funny at all.

Rule 12 (f) said...

See: The Disclaimer.

Anonymous said...


I'm not sure why this article is particularly offensive, aside from the fact most people would probably disagree with the views espoused.

However, some countries do permit legal prostitution; there are many supporters for the legalization of narcotics in this country; and sterilization was once considered acceptable in many western countries (and Holland is currently considering re-adopting a similar proposal).

What I find offensive is your own closed-mindedness. I encourage you in the future to think critically in order to determine why you think an idea is offensive or undesirable rather than perpetuating the stereotype that UVa students do not care for people who don't look or think like they do.

Anonymous said...

This is neither funny nor clever. What an awful post.

Rule 12 (f), I understand that you wanted a crony to help you run this joint, but this clown isn't cutting it.

Anonymous said...

Wow, great job tainting a sensible idea (repealing drug prohibition) with the stench of an appalling one (forced sterilization).

Anonymous said...

Guys from my high school went to UGA on HOPE scholarships all the time, it really was no big deal.

Anonymous said...

i support the prostitution and narcotics legalization...sterilization not so much

Anonymous said...

Not sterilization so much as requiring parents to apply for a permit before they're legally allowed to have children.

Anonymous said...

Nayda. Suleman.

Let that sink in for a moment, you self-righteous victims.

Now, I don't want to hear another word against forced sterilization per se. The only questions at issue are (1) when it is, in fact, approprite and (2) the sort of due process we need before imposing sentence.

Anonymous said...

The people who support these views are sick, self-entitled, and most likely middle class males who have neither experienced nor bothered to learn about any of the life-lasting psychological and physical trauma associated with prostitution. The fact that an American would seriously consider forced sterilization as an option for population control is repulsive. Close-mindedness? Yes, numerous genocides have been advocated through such "enlightened" thinking...

Anonymous said...


Way to play the gender/socio-economic status card. Bet you used that gem on your apps to, no?

Anonymous said...

Point proven.